okay now a lot of you know that im currently on bed rest... and what you dont know is that im stuck at my mothers house... and for the love of god i HATE it here... im seen half the time as the off brand child. verbally abused and yelled at when i do come out of my room.... see i have by biologically 5 siblings Ai, Kat, Big D, Soto and Kev... 3 of them are dead(Kat isnt dead i just dont give a fuck about her)... and i was adopted by Riku becuz i believe it cuz i have such a defective vindictive family that if i didnt have a big brother like him id kill myself and no one would miss me.... at least he would i know that.... my son of a bitch mother whoms NUMBER 1 rule was you better have gotten out of my house be for you start to have kids(which i dont have any kids some yea im not important thanks for the lesson mom).... Now Ai was the only one of this to follow this rule seeeing that she was the first one to have kids and had been moved out by then.... Kat on the other hand Has 5 kids which one my mother is raising and treats better than me her own son since the girl was born.... ever since Li and Hotaru was born i've been the Off brand child and she stop caring after that... my grades slipped i tried to O.D. and Kill myself At least 15 Different times before entering HIGH SCHOOL, but by then i had a friend Named Michelle who i would walk home with becuz i would often walk and stand(or Lay) in the street hoping i would get hit and die.... after middle school i entered high school and got a job so i wasnt home so much i still hated my life and would buy sleeping pills and try and O.D. off of them some how Riku would always call me and help me run away to his house... i never got to die thanks to him.... my mom so busy with my sisters kids and her romantic life she never bother to care so the affection that i never got from her i would often get from Ai... she doesnt Know that i love her so becuz of it(tho we use to fight alot she away kept her promises she never bullshited me and gave me false hope honest aways honest). At this place in time Ai and Big D are the only Blood family i have( my mom to busy with getting her groove back).... Riku (soon to be the Only Brother i have) (that) wouldnt let me die... and at this point i didnt Know Kira i was a grade 10er in a school where i didnt fit in with a family that didnt care... my grade was slipping and i was constantly tryin to kill myself... at this point i became a cutter gettin into fight hoping a would be killed... painting and drawing thing that would get me sent to the office and my mother never showed up once... by Grade 11 my brother D had died(Murdered) and Ai had a family and i wasnt her priority like i use to... i really had no one to depend on and my mom was so busy trying to make someone else happy i didnt even matter... i was alone but Riku wouldnt let me kill myself.... it was then i started to get into music i would often drown myself in music so much to the point the world around me didnt exist(Riku would burn me Cds)... i was constantly listening to music and i eventually started listening to music from japan china koren and even Vietnam( but mostly Gorillaz X3)...... Riku Pushed me to make new friends and i Did... Tiff and Ngoc who back then i had huge crushes on( not now tho X3) Miranda and a few other became my friends... only one of them knew i had been a cutter and still was....she didnt say anything to be until a few years after but how couldnt she not know when she saw me shirtless...either way it continued on forever since then... i ran away after i met my ex and moved across country Ai didnt know and Riku either Emailed me or called everyday... but by then i had Met Kira.. and she would let me do anything to myself she ould forbid me to let myself get hurt... i just knew i loved her so i did so.... but i continued to hate my life so much and the only light was at the time my Ex Kira and Riku.... my ex started to beat me Violently for days and it stop once we moved back to where i am now but it started up again and i upped up with some genetic form of bone cancer after she broke my jaw ribs and two of my fingers.... i started to block ppl out after that all but Kira and Riku... so unless you knew them i didnt care who you are.... i learned nothing blocks out ppl like a Ipod and a good set of headphones... and with a family and a home life like this i should be a crazy Serial Mask Murder by now... proof that listening to Eminem doesnt make you want to go and and kill ppl...
God i hate this life....
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